


You're Okay Now

by one_black_coffee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, mentions of walburga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29835036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_black_coffee/pseuds/one_black_coffee
Summary: “Prongs? Have you seen Sirius?” Remus set his books down on the sofa next to James’ feet and scanned the room for any signs of his boyfriend.James, who had been doing everything in his power to avoid actually reading a thing from his own textbook, readily put down the text to give Remus and his words full attention. “Er, last I saw he stormed up to the room and promptly locked the door when Peter tried to get in. Haven’t seen him since.”
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	You're Okay Now

Remus had texted Sirius hours ago.

Before Charms, Remus sent a quick message to Sirius, expecting one back rather shortly. When class started and he hadn’t heard back from Sirius, he tucked his phone away and decided Sirius must be running late to class and didn’t have time to check his phone. After class ended and there was still no response, Remus shrugged it off with mild anxiety, telling himself Sirius might have forgotten his phone in the dorm. No reason to worry.

He managed through the rest of his classes, checking his phone now and then, but otherwise forcing himself to ignore the anxiety slowly filling his chest. That was no simple task. To occupy his mind, Remus fully paid attention to class--- he only texted James once during DADA--- and even took diligent notes like the good student most of his peers suspected him to be.

_ Hey, Love. I’ll be back in a few minutes, stopping at the hospital wing first. Scar salve. _

He sent the message, promising himself it was purely to inform Sirius of his whereabouts and certainly not an attempt to get a reply. To prove it to himself, he even forced himself to put his phone in his pocket and leave it there until he got back to the common room--- a large part of him thought, for sure, he would have gotten a reply by then.

He picked up his scar salve from Madame Pomfrey, neatly hiding the bottle in the sleeve of his robe, and walked towards the common room. Not once did he pick up the phone. The staircases switched and he was forced to wait for them to return to their previous position but not even then did he check for any updates.

Remus even resolved that he wouldn’t feed into his anxiety ridden mind by asking about Sirius until he found Sirius himself. Of course, that was immediately chucked out the window when he stepped foot into the common room and saw James lounging by the fire.

“Prongs? Have you seen Sirius?” Remus set his books down on the sofa next to James’ feet and scanned the room for any signs of his boyfriend.

James, who had been doing everything in his power to avoid  _ actually _ reading a thing from his own textbook, readily put down the text to give Remus and his words full attention. “Er, last I saw he stormed up to the room and promptly locked the door when Peter tried to get in. Haven’t seen him since.”

Frowning, Remus asked, “When was that?”

“Half hour ago maybe? Can’t have been anymore than that.” James said. Then, “Why do you ask?”

Remus fished out his phone from his back pocket, turned it on long enough to check for any new messages, then threw it down on top of his pile of books. “I texted him ages ago and he hasn’t replied. Figured something was wrong. He’s usually good about texting back.”

“He left all his things on the table over there.” James pointed to a round table tucked into the corner where Peter sat, head on the book he had open, fully asleep. “Probably left his phone there, too.”

“He didn’t say anything to either of you?” Asked Remus.

“Well, as I recall, he  _ did _ flip off Peter and tell me to eat glass. He seemed to be in such a  _ wonderful _ mood that we didn’t bother replying,” James said, picking up the top notebook on Remus’ pile, and flipping open to a random page--- he’d been hoping to find some terrible poem written in the margins or poorly drawn doodles but was disappointed to find that Remus had actually been paying attention in class and taking notes. He dropped the notebook back on the pile.

“Any idea why he’s in that wonderful mood?” Remus swatted away James’ hands before he could grab the next notebook in the pile.

James stuck his tongue out at Remus and sat back against the sofa cushions. “He’s been gone all day, how would I know?”

“You’re no help,” Remus muttered, scooping up his notebooks and textbooks. “I’m going to see if he’ll stop being a moody child.” He began to walk away then stopped and looked back at James. “If I don’t text you in half an hour, he’s killed me. All my belongings go to Peter. You can have two pennies.”

“How generous of you, Moony.”

“I’m a saint, I know,” He deadpanned then walked up the stairs to the room.

Remus noted the distinct lack of music coming from their room with concerned surprise. It was like Sirius to lock himself in the room and blast his music until they got noise complaints from the other Gryffindors. It, however, was highly unlike Sirius to lock himself in with no music at all. The anxiety that he had managed to shove away since morning had been steadily growing since he started talking to James and had reached heart-pounding levels as he reached the door.

Still, he set his books down next to the door and softly knocked.

There was a thud from the other side, followed by a groan and Sirius yelling, “Fuck  _ off _ , Prongs!”

“What if it isn’t Prongs, though?” Moony asked, leaning his head against the door to listen for sounds of movement. The soft thud of something--- Sirius--- falling, then shuffling, before the door swung open to reveal Sirius, eyeliner smudged, and a blanket wrapped around him. “...Hi, darling.”

Sirius grunted and turned back into the room, leaving the door open for Moony to follow. He did, closing the door quietly behind him and standing awkwardly in front of his bed where Sirius had thrown himself. Remus didn’t say anything, afraid it would get him banished to the common room with Peter and James. He fiddled with the curtains and subtly watched Sirius pick at the edge of his blanket.

“Moons?” Sirius looked up--- the blanket fell backwards on his head enough for his hair to show--- with a slight pout. It wasn’t his usual Dramatic Pout but a smaller, genuine one that made Remus even more concerned than he had been. Remus returned Sirius’ look, nodding to let him know he was listening. Sirius reached out to grab Remus’ hand and pulled him until Remus was standing directly in front of Sirius.

Remus had to fight the urge to touch Sirius. It wasn’t natural to be that close to his boyfriend and not touch, but he didn’t want to overstep. He shoved his hands farther into the sleeves of his sweater.

Sirius’ pout deepend and he wrapped his arms around Remus’ waist, burning his face in Remus’ sweater. “Bad day.”

Carefully, Remus put one hand on Sirius’ shoulder and the other on top of his head. When Sirius didn’t flinch nor pull away, Remus relaxed slightly, allowing himself to gently smooth out the hair that had been mussed by Sirius’ blanket. “Do you want to talk about it?”

It was a long moment before Sirius responded. Remus didn’t push, just kept standing and letting Sirius take as much comfort from him as he wanted. “Got a letter from Mother this morning. She isn’t happy with me.”

Remus hummed slightly. He didn’t stop his soft touches and tried to keep them as relaxed as possible despite the painful clench in his heart at the idea of a letter from Sirius’ mother.

Sirius held tighter to Remus, clenching fists in the back of his sweater to steady himself. “It was the same as always, really. Comments about my hair, about Regulus, about…” He hesitated. “You.”

Remus shut his eyes tightly, willing away the intense anger that was flooding his mind. That wouldn’t be any good. Anger would only cause Sirius more pain and that was the complete opposite of what Remus was trying to accomplish. “Did she want anything this time?”

Sirius sighed and relaxed his grip on Remus’ sweater but none of the tension left his body--- Remus swore he could feel his shoulders tense even more; he put slight pressure on his shoulders as he rubbed them in a half-massage. “She wants me to come home for Christmas. Said Regulus would be there and so would the rest of the family.”

The idea of Sirius going back to his family for the holidays made Remus want to scream. James, Peter, and he had done their best to  _ avoid _ that possibility. Sirius wasn’t supposed to have to see them again. Especially not alone. Remus bit back his fear and asked, “What do you think about that?”

His response was immediate. “I don’t want to go.”

“You don’t have to, Pads,” Remus said, but Sirius wasn’t listening.

Sirius had long since known he had no desire to be a part of the Black family. Spending the holidays with them only ever left him in pain. He knew that. He always had. But the speed with which he had answered Remus startled him. He didn’t want to go back to his family ever. And that was something he hadn’t been prepared to face.

He tugged Remus even closer, pressing his face against Remus to a point he was sure must be bordering on painful, but Remus didn’t complain so Sirius didn’t pull away. Shame pricked at his skin, fear made his heart beat painfully fast. The tears that soaked into Remus’ sweater were like glass against Sirius’ skin. He hadn’t been crying before; the letter had made him irritable but he hadn’t cried. Crying was the last thing he wanted, really. Crying meant giving them power and they had no right to have any more power over him.

And that only made his crying worse.

Remus held him tightly, stroking his hair and whispering sweet things against his head. The words spoken meant nothing to Sirius, he was too delirious to comprehend a thing Moony said. Shaking sobs racked through his body, wringing him into nothing. His mind swirled, trains of thought interrupted each other, creating an echoing cavern of endless pain. One thought that rang the loudest in his head was:  _ It isn’t fair. _

He sobbed the words into Remus, choking on air and tears and words he couldn't bring himself to say. He gasped and sputtered, fighting to push out his thoughts so Remus could hear them too and promise him he wasn’t insane, that he was okay.

Remus knelt down, cradling Sirius’ head between his hands and pressing a long kiss to Sirius’ forehead. Sirius clung to his shoulders, mindlessly sobbing and whispering the same words over and over, each time cracking with more and more frustration and pain. Remus kept one hand holding the back of Sirius’ head and moved the other to rest on his chest.

Softly, “Pads, love, sweetheart, I need you to breathe with me.” When Sirius only let out a louder sob, Remus carefully took one of his hands and pressed it against his chest, keeping it there with his own hand. “Come on, I know you can do it. Just inhale with me,” He sucked in a slow breath, “And exhale.” Remus continued this until Sirius subconsciously started breathing in sync with him.

Sirius hiccupped, still muttering his three words like they would save him. He held onto Remus’ chest and forced himself to listen to what Remus was saying. That gave him some grounding, the soothing sound of Remus talking to him.

“You’re gonna be okay. You’re doing beautifully, dear.” Remus wiped away the tears from Sirius’ face and kissed his cheeks.

Sirius sniffled but allowed Remus to continue to handle him with such care. A voice somewhere in his mind told him he shouldn’t be letting Remus treat him like this, that he didn’t deserve this kind of love, but Remus’ kisses and soft assurances made everything else melt away. When Sirius dragged his free hand up to curl into Remus’ curls, Remus smiled. Sirius still looked incredibly worn out but it was a step in the right direction.

“How are you doing now?”

Sirius laughed, all shaky and tired. “Never felt better.”

“You certainly look hot, babe.”

Sirius grinned, flashing Remus a smile that, under circumstances that didn’t leave Sirius looking worn out, would make Remus melt. “You flatter me, Moony.”

Remus let his head fall forward until their foreheads rested against each other. “Let me help you change and then we can blow off the rest of the night and forget that today ever happened, yeah? We can cuddle and watch movies… Lock James and Peter out all night because they’re losers…”

Sirius chuckled, his eyes falling shut. “I’m sorry. I-- I didn’t mean for this to spiral.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay,” Remus said. “You’re okay now and that’s all that ever matters to me.”

Sirius shifted to press his face into the crook of Remus’ neck. “I love you, Remus. You know that?”

“Yes, Sirius. I do know that. You tell me quite often.” He turned his head to press a kiss behind Sirius’ ear. “And I love you, too.”

Sirius hummed, nuzzling closer to Remus despite the awkward angle between them. They stayed like that for a few more minutes, holding each other and breathing in the familiar scents of home, before Remus pulled back. “I meant what I said. Let’s change into pajamas and have a movie night in bed. No point in continuing to let today be a shit fest.”

Sirius let Remus drag him over to his chest to pick out clothing and let him trade his robes for pajamas. Remus was gentle and caring with everything concerning Sirius, helping him change was no different.

“Pick a movie if you want, I’ll be back in a minute.” Remus kissed his forehead as Sirius crawled back into Remus’ bed, and went to change into his own set of pajamas.

Sirius didn’t care what they watched, he just wanted his Moony back so he could finally get some rest. As soon as Remus returned, Sirius pulled him into bed and put his head down on Remus’ chest, listening to his heart beat. Remus didn’t comment, just wrapped his arms around Sirius and pulled up a movie on his phone.

When Peter and James had both said their goodnights and the room had gone quiet, Sirius placed a kiss over one of Remus’ scars and whispered, “Thank you, Moony.”

Remus tangled their limbs together further, kissing Sirius with one hand in his hair and the other entwined with his. “Goodnight, Padfoot.”


End file.
